Wouldn't you like to know how to improve memory and short-term data retention for examination purposes? This has been found to be a useful skill, particularly for students, actors, public speakers, lecturers and of course preachers like myself.
In the first instance, it is important to understand that all memories are recuperated memories, and we recuperate them by their connections, with certain things.
We recall a past outcome due to something which is currently in our Consciousness -- something we're viewing, listening to, savoring, thinking of, and anything that -- prompts us of something, which reminds us of something else, which reminds us of something else, and so forth back.
There are 12 main steps you are able to take to remember specific facts and enhance your overall mental ability to hold on to what you memorize.
Take note, that only the concluding step, is the one you will be able to yield, as you are attempting to recollect. All the remainder have to do with how you assimilate data, and how you change it into memory.
1. Bear in mind that, you can't recall, what you never acknowledged, so do not be multitasking, whilst you're attempting to learn or memorize something: afford it the focus of your complete attention, one time at least.
2. Duplicate it. The more fully you understand it, the less probable you are, to forget it.
(If you don't understand cricket, you are unlikely to remember the scores.)
3. Repetition and implementation. Straight after learning something, echo it, preferably aloud. Even better, apply it in your
own style. If you would like to remember a joke, for instance, state it to somebody and attempt to make them chuckle.
4. Lump together in collective chunks. Although short-run memory can manage only approximately seven items, per unit time, you can fine tune this limitation by combining items together, and remembering each group as a unit.
Afterward, you can unpack those units. Recollecting the numerals:
6,5,4 1,7,6,5, 4 and 2; is more difficult, than recollecting the Numerals 654, 176, and 542.
5. Create significance. Meaninglessness, is difficult to remember. Compare this:
'disease covered check Michigan epidemic parotitis the because of center an in eruption'
with this:
'The Centers for Disease management covered an eruption of
Epidemic parotitis in Michigan.'
To create meaning, where none inherently exists, the experts advocate planting the selective information, into a fictitious tale.
The numberplate 2GWY701 therefore becomes: Two girls wore yellow dresses which were seven, not one foot, long.(See step 7.)
6. Seek for connections and commonalities. Stanford researchers have found that forgetting is a fundamental facet of good remembering, but not because you have to clear out a space; instead, it's because omitting the less relevant details, uncovers the more meaningful fundamental structure.
7. Picture. Look for the reality for some component you can convert into an image. If you've just met a Johnie Barns and would like to remember his name, you could visualize John Wayne standing in a barn. The more impinging or absurd the image, the more probable it is to remain in your psyche.
8. Hook it, to something comic. Mississippi? Well, thats sort of like,'I miss sipping a pint'.
9. Hook it, to a music melody, chant, rhyme or rhythmical motion. Think of the rhyme 'I' before 'E', except after 'C' to spell receive rather than recieve. Or endeavor pacing rhythmically when learning a table of data.
10. Connect what's recent with what's previous . Greek and Roman public speakers featured a method for recalling a speech. They'd produce a dramatically impinging image to represent each subject, they intended to address (see step 7), then mentally assigned these images, in the rooms of their own dwelling places, and while imparting the speech, visualized moving through their dwelling.
Every succeeding room would remind them of the appropriate subject, and in the correct order. Note that they did not need to recall the order of their rooms, since this knowledge was already clear in their minds.
11. Connect learning to surroundings. The memory inclines to relate information, with the surroundings in which one learns it. If you're going to be examined about something, and you know where the exam will happen, study the material in the equivalent kind of space to the exam location.
If you don't know anything about the exam location, then study in an assortment of places, so the memories will not get tied up, into cues from just one surrounding.
12. Allow it to drift. If a memory is remaining unreachable, quit fishing for it. Rather, let your mind wander to the general area: to acquaintances you knew at the time, to the College you attended,
the vehicle you were driving at the time, etc, ... there is a good chance, you'll encounter the very end part, of a chain of associations extending to the memory you're missing.
These are all tried and tested ways of improving memory and short-term data retention for examination purposes. Try them out, and do let me know of your experiences and successes.
Rev.Bola (21.9.09)
--------------------------------------------
To get some more helpful Life Tips from Rev.Bola, go here:-
Abundant Life Ministries
*************************************************
Sunday, 20 September 2009
Monday, 31 August 2009
'Emotional Shocks, Trauma And Recovery'
How Do Traumas And Shocks Come About, and How Can They Be Healed?
What regulates whether an experience will be wounding or shocking comprises a combining of the velocity (extent) of the experience and the (inadequateness of the defence reaction. An identical undergoing will be wounding to a few people, and shocking to other people. The younger you are, the more probable an experience is to be shocking.
Virtually by definition, an injury that happens in the beginning trimester of pregnancy (like assault at conception, miscarriage effort, departure of a twin, etc.) is likely to be shocking. A pregnant adult female being in an automobile accident is more plausible to be shocking to the infant early on in pregnancy than afterward, and more probable to be shocking late in pregnancy than after delivery, and more likely in early childhood than late childhood, and so forth.
Among the major components in whether an experience is shocking is whether there have been former shocks. Experiencing being shocked makes it a good deal more probable that later traumas will be experienced as shocks. Suppose a baby of 2 months who is left behind with a foster parent. If that infant had a conscious conception, was desired, bore an uneventful pregnancy, comfortable birthing and effective bonding with parents after birth, he/she is a great deal less probable to undergo a stay with foster parents as a shock than a child who experienced a conflicted conception, was uninvited, and experienced a hard pregnancy, complicated birth, and inadequate attachment with parents after delivery.
Injuries tend to be felt along what Stan Grof calls coexes, or themes (consider guitar strings). Traumas are directed along these motifs so that a rejection in primary school will set off the impressions of former "rejection" experiences, like a rejection in childhood and the sensed rejection at delivery for being the 'incorrect' gender. Nevertheless, that rejection in primary school won't spark off the grief coex or sexual assault coex which weaves through another set of experiences. Each individual has a different set of coexes, depending on their own traumatic experiences. Each coex (envisage a guitar string) will resonate while induced, but one string’s vibration does not cause the other strings to vibrate (except in the most subtle way).
Shock, however, is not separated by themes. Each shock sparks off the whole shock consortium - so every shock activates every former shock, at the layer of the gravest shock ever undergone.
So What are a few instances of traumatic/shocking experiences and their long-term outcomes?
William Emerson, Ph.D., has written extensively on the long-term emotional results of birthing trauma, and a miscellany of methods we repeat unsolved traumas in the present. Below are a few illustrations to briefly illustrate how traumas and shocks happen and bear upon us in the long-run.
It is possible to undergo a trauma or shock at whatever phase of growth. Numerous people experience traumas or shocks at important events - like incarnation (going into the physical universe), whilst an egg departing the ovary and being fertilized, as a sperm scrambling to get through and fertilize the egg, as a fertilized egg on the journey to and embedding in the womb, when the pregnancy is revealed by the parents, and during the numerous different phases of birth. Here are a few examples of particular traumas or shocks at some of these significant happenstances.
Numerous people undergo their incarnation (exiting the realm of disembodied spirit to enter into a physical structure) as exceedingly painful. One recapitulation of this is an acute hesitancy to go out of home or attempt an unknown venture. Some other is feeling booted out or banished from heaven. A trauma at this point of development (pre-conception) is almost guaranteed to be shocking as there exists no defenses against it. People who have been shocked in this manner generally reject spirit - they have trouble meditating or praying, and experience no sense of connection (or undergo only an uncongenial connection) with spirit (or the Divine, or God, etc.). A small portion of people who are injured in this manner acquire sanctuary in spirit - and can exercise their spirituality as an evasion from the pains of the world. It is common for people to feel a sense of divine expatriation or divine homesickness.
If you underwent, as an embryo, a traumatic travel through the uterine tube (perhaps due to the consistency of your mother being toxic or antipathetic to getting pregnant), you might have a habitual sense of urgency in your actions - a sense of 'I have to rush, I have to hasten' or an impression of being goaded to go forth. A similar feeling can result from a sperm's trauma - like feeling prepared to move forward but being frustrated when ejaculation was held up somehow.
As sonograms and ultrasound technology enter into broader application, it is becoming clear that additional single-birth pregnancies commence as multiple conceptions than we ever considered - up to 10% (not 70% as widely reported). It is not understood as yet why or how one embryo neglects to develop while the other comes through. People who experience the loss of a twin during pregnancy share several scenarios. In a few instances, the mother tried to abort the pregnancy and succeeded in extinguishing one baby, incognizant that there was another who pulled through. In other instances, there was a close bond between the two babies and one decided to depart for reasons such as:
'I simply needed to be with you for a while; will see you later.
There’s not adequate love/care/attention/room for both of us, so I'll go away.
I changed my mind (for whatever reason) and am reneging on our agreement to arrive here jointly.'
In a few examples, the human relationship is antipathetic. Numerous surviving twins describe pervading and acute feelings of guilt for having induced the decease of their twin or get a sense of betrayal and abandonment from the twin's decision to depart. This frequently manifests in severe trouble entrusting other people and reaching closeness. Many bear a deep sense of yearning and expend a lifespan looking for for a soulmate to substitute that relationship - frequently through a series of marriages or relationships.
The area of cellular cognisance has pioneered a new curative domain figuring out experiences during outcomes circumventing conception. Physical movement patterns have been noted in people who are working with cellular memories. Irrespective of culture, age, therapy experience or acquaintance with the subject matter - they incline to display similar body movements and report similar causal experiences for the movements.
How can you distinguish if you have been traumatized or shocked?
There are many distinctive symptoms in people who have undergone emotional shock.
It is possible to feel the vitality in the respective bodies (physical, causal, supercausal, etheric, etc.) of a client and register respective trauma and shock transmitters (patterns) or localities.
There are two features that have been witnessed a great deal among people who have a lot of emotional shock:
* One is a potent interest in or rapport with the concepts when they first hear about emotional trauma and emotional shock. Many shocked people are intuitively attracted to treatment for shock, often without being able to explicate why.
* The other is trouble in dislodging stubborn patterns despite doing thoroughly, intense, effective emotional therapeutic work. When a client has done good work, gotten a lot of relief, and over time ceases attaining progress, it is probable that he/she has been successful addressing their trauma, but not undergone the treatment that the shock requires.
How do you treat emotional trauma and emotional shock?
The great news is that not every emotional trauma or shock has to be addressed. There are key emotional injures that must be acted upon - but not every experience must be dealt with directly. So, the awareness that emotionally painful experiences at any age may be recaps of earlier experiences can drastically abridge the time required to cure. Our bodies and our unconscious mind are extremely skilled at protecting us from emotionally painful experiences until we are ready to deal with them. There is a basic stripping the onion approach to processing emotional wounds which allows us to be as effective as possible, and still honor the inherent healing pace of each individual.
The genuine therapy is love and our formulas just permit us to get within to the position where the love needs to go. So, whether we apply the breath, movement, art, dream work, sandplay, massage or other methods - the objective is always to go within to the points where we are injured, and then support in whatever way is necessary the natural healing process.
With grownups processing emotional trauma, apply a mixed bag of methods (contingent on the concerns of the clients) including breath, movement, guided visualization, art, journaling, intuitive imagery, mindfulness, and dream work. Regardless of HOW we arrive at that place, the aim is always to go inside and assure the deepest truth(s) possible. We call for the assistance and support of whatever resources the client brings - including the unconscious, loving family/friends, subpersonalities, guardian angels, the higher self, spirit guides, and totem animals. I support and promote the full expression of all feelings in means that are safe for the client, me and our physical environment. Only when feelings are accessed and discharged can the energy dislodge. The liberating of stuck energy provides change - often quite easily.
When clients are addressing shock, cultivate with them to produce a state of affairs in the present that endorses them in exploring their shock in a peeling the onion approach - receding eventuality from the latest shock to earlier experiences - and offering appropriate treatment for each situation. This treatment can include reparenting, empowerment, building up suitable (and healthier) defenses, interrupting and repatterning the shock physiology, resourcing, reprogramming dysfunctional belief systems and more. Because people who have been emotionally shocked are profoundly bruised about trust, the work proceeds slowly to permit genuine contact at those most hurt levels, which allows true recovery to occur.
Naturally, working with infants and children calls for a totally different set of non-verbal techniques. Yes, even infants as young as a couple of days old can be really effectively treated for their delivery and pre-natal traumas! And, people who have treatment early, grow unhampered by those emotional constraints and are outstandingly self-confident, self-collected, creative, and connected. As a matter of fact, children treated in infancy or childhood end up breaking many of the norms of convention childhood development. It is obvious that most of what we regard as normal development is founded on children who carry a lot of emotional wounding. Because of this, treatment of babies is among the most exciting areas of treatment of shock!
Treatment In The Future
The entire area of addressing emotional shock - and the acknowledgement of shock as a separate category of wounding and treatment - is still evolving. The trailblazers and their trainees are doing this work on people who have already done a lot of trauma work, and now just require to have their shock healed. The next generation of clients will undergo treatment from therapists who know about both trauma and shock, and will undergo simultaneous treatment. So, as this trauma-treated but still shocked group of clients graduates, there will still be some smoothening of treatment techniques to be done. Because the field is so novel, there are few healers educated in treating shock. Many of us in preparation are learning by doing - attending trainings with the various trailblazers, working with one another on our own shock, and extending the treatment to clients - always knowing that in the procedure of working with shock we are continually defining the landscape of this new area of treatment.
Compiled by Rev.Bola
Special acknowledgement to:www.terrylarimore.com/ShockQA.html
********************************************
What regulates whether an experience will be wounding or shocking comprises a combining of the velocity (extent) of the experience and the (inadequateness of the defence reaction. An identical undergoing will be wounding to a few people, and shocking to other people. The younger you are, the more probable an experience is to be shocking.
Virtually by definition, an injury that happens in the beginning trimester of pregnancy (like assault at conception, miscarriage effort, departure of a twin, etc.) is likely to be shocking. A pregnant adult female being in an automobile accident is more plausible to be shocking to the infant early on in pregnancy than afterward, and more probable to be shocking late in pregnancy than after delivery, and more likely in early childhood than late childhood, and so forth.
Among the major components in whether an experience is shocking is whether there have been former shocks. Experiencing being shocked makes it a good deal more probable that later traumas will be experienced as shocks. Suppose a baby of 2 months who is left behind with a foster parent. If that infant had a conscious conception, was desired, bore an uneventful pregnancy, comfortable birthing and effective bonding with parents after birth, he/she is a great deal less probable to undergo a stay with foster parents as a shock than a child who experienced a conflicted conception, was uninvited, and experienced a hard pregnancy, complicated birth, and inadequate attachment with parents after delivery.
Injuries tend to be felt along what Stan Grof calls coexes, or themes (consider guitar strings). Traumas are directed along these motifs so that a rejection in primary school will set off the impressions of former "rejection" experiences, like a rejection in childhood and the sensed rejection at delivery for being the 'incorrect' gender. Nevertheless, that rejection in primary school won't spark off the grief coex or sexual assault coex which weaves through another set of experiences. Each individual has a different set of coexes, depending on their own traumatic experiences. Each coex (envisage a guitar string) will resonate while induced, but one string’s vibration does not cause the other strings to vibrate (except in the most subtle way).
Shock, however, is not separated by themes. Each shock sparks off the whole shock consortium - so every shock activates every former shock, at the layer of the gravest shock ever undergone.
So What are a few instances of traumatic/shocking experiences and their long-term outcomes?
William Emerson, Ph.D., has written extensively on the long-term emotional results of birthing trauma, and a miscellany of methods we repeat unsolved traumas in the present. Below are a few illustrations to briefly illustrate how traumas and shocks happen and bear upon us in the long-run.
It is possible to undergo a trauma or shock at whatever phase of growth. Numerous people experience traumas or shocks at important events - like incarnation (going into the physical universe), whilst an egg departing the ovary and being fertilized, as a sperm scrambling to get through and fertilize the egg, as a fertilized egg on the journey to and embedding in the womb, when the pregnancy is revealed by the parents, and during the numerous different phases of birth. Here are a few examples of particular traumas or shocks at some of these significant happenstances.
Numerous people undergo their incarnation (exiting the realm of disembodied spirit to enter into a physical structure) as exceedingly painful. One recapitulation of this is an acute hesitancy to go out of home or attempt an unknown venture. Some other is feeling booted out or banished from heaven. A trauma at this point of development (pre-conception) is almost guaranteed to be shocking as there exists no defenses against it. People who have been shocked in this manner generally reject spirit - they have trouble meditating or praying, and experience no sense of connection (or undergo only an uncongenial connection) with spirit (or the Divine, or God, etc.). A small portion of people who are injured in this manner acquire sanctuary in spirit - and can exercise their spirituality as an evasion from the pains of the world. It is common for people to feel a sense of divine expatriation or divine homesickness.
If you underwent, as an embryo, a traumatic travel through the uterine tube (perhaps due to the consistency of your mother being toxic or antipathetic to getting pregnant), you might have a habitual sense of urgency in your actions - a sense of 'I have to rush, I have to hasten' or an impression of being goaded to go forth. A similar feeling can result from a sperm's trauma - like feeling prepared to move forward but being frustrated when ejaculation was held up somehow.
As sonograms and ultrasound technology enter into broader application, it is becoming clear that additional single-birth pregnancies commence as multiple conceptions than we ever considered - up to 10% (not 70% as widely reported). It is not understood as yet why or how one embryo neglects to develop while the other comes through. People who experience the loss of a twin during pregnancy share several scenarios. In a few instances, the mother tried to abort the pregnancy and succeeded in extinguishing one baby, incognizant that there was another who pulled through. In other instances, there was a close bond between the two babies and one decided to depart for reasons such as:
'I simply needed to be with you for a while; will see you later.
There’s not adequate love/care/attention/room for both of us, so I'll go away.
I changed my mind (for whatever reason) and am reneging on our agreement to arrive here jointly.'
In a few examples, the human relationship is antipathetic. Numerous surviving twins describe pervading and acute feelings of guilt for having induced the decease of their twin or get a sense of betrayal and abandonment from the twin's decision to depart. This frequently manifests in severe trouble entrusting other people and reaching closeness. Many bear a deep sense of yearning and expend a lifespan looking for for a soulmate to substitute that relationship - frequently through a series of marriages or relationships.
The area of cellular cognisance has pioneered a new curative domain figuring out experiences during outcomes circumventing conception. Physical movement patterns have been noted in people who are working with cellular memories. Irrespective of culture, age, therapy experience or acquaintance with the subject matter - they incline to display similar body movements and report similar causal experiences for the movements.
How can you distinguish if you have been traumatized or shocked?
There are many distinctive symptoms in people who have undergone emotional shock.
It is possible to feel the vitality in the respective bodies (physical, causal, supercausal, etheric, etc.) of a client and register respective trauma and shock transmitters (patterns) or localities.
There are two features that have been witnessed a great deal among people who have a lot of emotional shock:
* One is a potent interest in or rapport with the concepts when they first hear about emotional trauma and emotional shock. Many shocked people are intuitively attracted to treatment for shock, often without being able to explicate why.
* The other is trouble in dislodging stubborn patterns despite doing thoroughly, intense, effective emotional therapeutic work. When a client has done good work, gotten a lot of relief, and over time ceases attaining progress, it is probable that he/she has been successful addressing their trauma, but not undergone the treatment that the shock requires.
How do you treat emotional trauma and emotional shock?
The great news is that not every emotional trauma or shock has to be addressed. There are key emotional injures that must be acted upon - but not every experience must be dealt with directly. So, the awareness that emotionally painful experiences at any age may be recaps of earlier experiences can drastically abridge the time required to cure. Our bodies and our unconscious mind are extremely skilled at protecting us from emotionally painful experiences until we are ready to deal with them. There is a basic stripping the onion approach to processing emotional wounds which allows us to be as effective as possible, and still honor the inherent healing pace of each individual.
The genuine therapy is love and our formulas just permit us to get within to the position where the love needs to go. So, whether we apply the breath, movement, art, dream work, sandplay, massage or other methods - the objective is always to go within to the points where we are injured, and then support in whatever way is necessary the natural healing process.
With grownups processing emotional trauma, apply a mixed bag of methods (contingent on the concerns of the clients) including breath, movement, guided visualization, art, journaling, intuitive imagery, mindfulness, and dream work. Regardless of HOW we arrive at that place, the aim is always to go inside and assure the deepest truth(s) possible. We call for the assistance and support of whatever resources the client brings - including the unconscious, loving family/friends, subpersonalities, guardian angels, the higher self, spirit guides, and totem animals. I support and promote the full expression of all feelings in means that are safe for the client, me and our physical environment. Only when feelings are accessed and discharged can the energy dislodge. The liberating of stuck energy provides change - often quite easily.
When clients are addressing shock, cultivate with them to produce a state of affairs in the present that endorses them in exploring their shock in a peeling the onion approach - receding eventuality from the latest shock to earlier experiences - and offering appropriate treatment for each situation. This treatment can include reparenting, empowerment, building up suitable (and healthier) defenses, interrupting and repatterning the shock physiology, resourcing, reprogramming dysfunctional belief systems and more. Because people who have been emotionally shocked are profoundly bruised about trust, the work proceeds slowly to permit genuine contact at those most hurt levels, which allows true recovery to occur.
Naturally, working with infants and children calls for a totally different set of non-verbal techniques. Yes, even infants as young as a couple of days old can be really effectively treated for their delivery and pre-natal traumas! And, people who have treatment early, grow unhampered by those emotional constraints and are outstandingly self-confident, self-collected, creative, and connected. As a matter of fact, children treated in infancy or childhood end up breaking many of the norms of convention childhood development. It is obvious that most of what we regard as normal development is founded on children who carry a lot of emotional wounding. Because of this, treatment of babies is among the most exciting areas of treatment of shock!
Treatment In The Future
The entire area of addressing emotional shock - and the acknowledgement of shock as a separate category of wounding and treatment - is still evolving. The trailblazers and their trainees are doing this work on people who have already done a lot of trauma work, and now just require to have their shock healed. The next generation of clients will undergo treatment from therapists who know about both trauma and shock, and will undergo simultaneous treatment. So, as this trauma-treated but still shocked group of clients graduates, there will still be some smoothening of treatment techniques to be done. Because the field is so novel, there are few healers educated in treating shock. Many of us in preparation are learning by doing - attending trainings with the various trailblazers, working with one another on our own shock, and extending the treatment to clients - always knowing that in the procedure of working with shock we are continually defining the landscape of this new area of treatment.
Compiled by Rev.Bola
Special acknowledgement to:www.terrylarimore.com/ShockQA.html
********************************************
Tuesday, 25 August 2009
'I Hope You Dance'
With introductory verse by Rev.Bola
Step back,
Step forward,
Step sideways
Step into the beat
Twist, turn
Shake and twirl
Let the music
Make you whirl
Move with grace
Hot to the rhythmn
Cool with the music
Free of prison
Leap in that gentle
Rhythmic way
Sway like a dancer
Skip and pray
Jump, kick,
Tip-toe, tuck
Dance like a butterfly
Waddle like a duck
Take flight...dear angel
Cos now, you rock!
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
Poetry by Leanne Womack
--------------------------------------------------
And for some more inspirational poems, go here:-
*Poetry For Awakening*
*************************************************
Step back,
Step forward,
Step sideways
Step into the beat
Twist, turn
Shake and twirl
Let the music
Make you whirl
Move with grace
Hot to the rhythmn
Cool with the music
Free of prison
Leap in that gentle
Rhythmic way
Sway like a dancer
Skip and pray
Jump, kick,
Tip-toe, tuck
Dance like a butterfly
Waddle like a duck
Take flight...dear angel
Cos now, you rock!
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
Poetry by Leanne Womack
--------------------------------------------------
And for some more inspirational poems, go here:-
*Poetry For Awakening*
*************************************************
Monday, 10 August 2009
*Seven Steps to Biblical Revelation
Introduction - by Rev.Bola
For Christians the Bible is the written instruction book on how to live an inspired life. Even if you have never read the Bible before, I would like to encourage you to do so. The words of wisdom contained within its volumes have proven to be life transforming for millions of people worldwide, so why not you. It is a most easily accessible personal development and self-improvement tool, which has stood the test of time. The following steps can be applied as a guide to experiencing the most of what the bible has to offer you. Say the opening prayer for each step and then follow the simple instructions, as you read each bible passage.
1.God Almighty, cleanse me by His blood:
Since encountering inspired revelation circumvents the core of biblical meditation, you must ready yourself to be led from the Holy Spirit by repenting and being cleansed by the blood of the Lamb.
You must be obedient to former revelations from God (Matt. 7:6), and confess any trespass in your life, so you are not disconnected from continued revelation (Is. 59:1,2; I Jn. 1:9).
2.Lord, concede me a learners posture:
Revelation is conceded to those who observe an attitude of humbleness, and it is kept back from the arrogant and the self-important. So keep an open, humble attitude before God, permitting Him the freedom to pour forth more avid illumination on whatever thoughts you presently harbour, and to change them as He find appropriate (Jas. 4:6; II Pet. 1:19).
3.Lord, I will not use my faculties myself:
You'll be able to do naught of your own enterprise but solely what you learn and discover by the Spirit (Jn. 5:19,20,30). You do not have a mind to use, but a mind to lay out to God so He can employ it and satiate it with anointed understanding and divine sight (Prov. 3:5-7; Rom. 12:1,2). If you use your mind yourself, it is a lifeless exercise (Heb. 6:1,2).
4.Lord, I pray that the eyes of my heart might be enlightened:
Slow down as you read, reflecting on the text again and again, in your heart and mind, praying perpetually for God to afford you a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the cognition of Him (Eph. 1:17,18; Ps. 119:18).
5.Lord, I lay out the powers to reason and to imagine for you to satiate, and course through by Your Spirit:
Meditation implies gifting your faculties to God for Him to fill and apply. These include your left hemisphere logical thinking capabilities in addition to your right hemisphere visual capacities.
Search for the river of God (i.e. “Spirit flow”) to direct and fill both hemispheres, conceding you anointed thinking, dreams and vision (Jn. 7:37-39). Music can aid you, as can muttering, speaking, and writing as you experience the uncovering process (II Kings 3:15).
6.Lord, show me the answer to the trouble I am confronting:
Focused attention imparts further energies of immersion of heart and mind, which help discharge revelation. For instance, mark the difference between a ray of sunlight hitting a piece of paper, and sunlight running through a magnifying glass to hit a piece of paper. The focused energy produces a ray of light so concentrated that the paper explodes into flames. When you have a thirst to master a new understanding and discipline, that thirst, and searching essence will induce you to discover matters you would not ordinarily pick up (Matt. 5:6).
7.Thank You, God Almighty, for what You have revealed to me:
Recognizing that the revelation came from the indwelling Holy Spirit, give all the glorification to God for what has been revealed (Eph. 3:21).
May God Abide with you constantly, in all your Spiritual Endeavours.
May you experience the joy of His Almighty annointing upon your soul.
love
Rev.Bola
Check out Rev.Bola's : *ABUNDANT LIFE MINISTRIES*
For Christians the Bible is the written instruction book on how to live an inspired life. Even if you have never read the Bible before, I would like to encourage you to do so. The words of wisdom contained within its volumes have proven to be life transforming for millions of people worldwide, so why not you. It is a most easily accessible personal development and self-improvement tool, which has stood the test of time. The following steps can be applied as a guide to experiencing the most of what the bible has to offer you. Say the opening prayer for each step and then follow the simple instructions, as you read each bible passage.
1.God Almighty, cleanse me by His blood:
Since encountering inspired revelation circumvents the core of biblical meditation, you must ready yourself to be led from the Holy Spirit by repenting and being cleansed by the blood of the Lamb.
You must be obedient to former revelations from God (Matt. 7:6), and confess any trespass in your life, so you are not disconnected from continued revelation (Is. 59:1,2; I Jn. 1:9).
2.Lord, concede me a learners posture:
Revelation is conceded to those who observe an attitude of humbleness, and it is kept back from the arrogant and the self-important. So keep an open, humble attitude before God, permitting Him the freedom to pour forth more avid illumination on whatever thoughts you presently harbour, and to change them as He find appropriate (Jas. 4:6; II Pet. 1:19).
3.Lord, I will not use my faculties myself:
You'll be able to do naught of your own enterprise but solely what you learn and discover by the Spirit (Jn. 5:19,20,30). You do not have a mind to use, but a mind to lay out to God so He can employ it and satiate it with anointed understanding and divine sight (Prov. 3:5-7; Rom. 12:1,2). If you use your mind yourself, it is a lifeless exercise (Heb. 6:1,2).
4.Lord, I pray that the eyes of my heart might be enlightened:
Slow down as you read, reflecting on the text again and again, in your heart and mind, praying perpetually for God to afford you a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the cognition of Him (Eph. 1:17,18; Ps. 119:18).
5.Lord, I lay out the powers to reason and to imagine for you to satiate, and course through by Your Spirit:
Meditation implies gifting your faculties to God for Him to fill and apply. These include your left hemisphere logical thinking capabilities in addition to your right hemisphere visual capacities.
Search for the river of God (i.e. “Spirit flow”) to direct and fill both hemispheres, conceding you anointed thinking, dreams and vision (Jn. 7:37-39). Music can aid you, as can muttering, speaking, and writing as you experience the uncovering process (II Kings 3:15).
6.Lord, show me the answer to the trouble I am confronting:
Focused attention imparts further energies of immersion of heart and mind, which help discharge revelation. For instance, mark the difference between a ray of sunlight hitting a piece of paper, and sunlight running through a magnifying glass to hit a piece of paper. The focused energy produces a ray of light so concentrated that the paper explodes into flames. When you have a thirst to master a new understanding and discipline, that thirst, and searching essence will induce you to discover matters you would not ordinarily pick up (Matt. 5:6).
7.Thank You, God Almighty, for what You have revealed to me:
Recognizing that the revelation came from the indwelling Holy Spirit, give all the glorification to God for what has been revealed (Eph. 3:21).
May God Abide with you constantly, in all your Spiritual Endeavours.
May you experience the joy of His Almighty annointing upon your soul.
love
Rev.Bola
Check out Rev.Bola's : *ABUNDANT LIFE MINISTRIES*
Saturday, 1 August 2009
Learning Your Way around the Boundless
Introduction by Rev.Bola
Do you know of a Higher Will at work in the Universe? Have you become aware yet of a Higher Power that is at work in your life, or are you struggling to live your life on your own terms, alone and frustrated? I believe we each have access to this Higher Power for support if we let it in, surrender allow it to work for us, instead of getting in the way. We can communicate to our Higher Power through prayer, meditation, invocation, worship and service; and also by being alert to the patterns that concern the situations and circumstances we have in our lives. These patterns are meaningful. Especially the re-occuring ones. They have a message for us. Sometimes those messages can come in the form of direct hearing from God. We can often listen for and hear the 'still small voice' of God. Heavenly Letters are a series of such messages from God, heard and recorded in writing in the form of letters. Here is one I recently received and would like to share with you today.
Heavenletter #3171 Published on: July 31, 2009
God said:
Sometimes you think you are hanging on in life by the skin of your teeth. You don't know why you feel so discontent and so tenuous. At those times, it's all you can do to get through life, to get through even this one day of life. Life is not different really from last week, but, somehow, this week you feel you are walking a tight rope with no net beneath.
You don't know what it is that seems so difficult. All you know is that you feel a hair's breadth from surviving. You don't just mean your physical life. You don't know what you do mean. All you know is that you are hanging on.
When you feel so frail, and life feels so overwhelming, even though you know not why, you are in a good place. You have thought you are in a bad place, an unsafe place. At this time remember that life is not about safety. There has to be more to life than safe or unsafe. You don't really know what you are safe or unsafe from.
Now I shall tell you what's going on, and what it is you are hanging on to for dear life. It is your boundaries, beloved. You may feel that you have been set back when, all the while, you are far ahead. The loss of boundaries is only the loss of boundaries, yet you have become unsettled while the boundaries, like ice bergs, break away. You have wanted to be free, and now that you are on the bank of the river of freedom, you are not so sure. You craved freedom. You yearned for it. You looked forward to it, and now that you are at the brink, you're not so sure that you want to jump off. Come to find out, you may have loved the boundaries. They were your baby blankets, beloveds.
You discover that the boundaries you had disdained were your connection to the world. The boundaries were the chains that kept you locked into space, and now, without recognizing that you are, you are bemoaning the loss of boundaries. Bye, bye, boundaries. Now comes the boundless, and you think you have to hold onto something solid. You were holding on to nothing anyway, beloveds. How solid really do you think the boundaries that held you were? You thought the boundaries were thick ropes when they were only skinny filaments of your thoughts. The bars kept you in place, you felt. The bars bounded you, and yet you knew where you were located.
Now you don't know anything. The ice bergs are breaking away. You sense their moving away from you. You may feel that the breaking up of boundaries leaves you adrift.
You have been in a kiddie pool, and now you find yourself in the Ocean. Honestly, at this point, you feel vague. You feel out of your depth. You miss the sight of the shore even though you had objected to it enough. Ignorance all of a sudden seems like home or at least like a comfortable bed.
And now the bed is gone. The room you were in is gone. Your body may inhabit the same place, yet you have been shaken loose.
It is almost like science fiction. One moment you were playing in the confines of kindergarten, and now you find yourself in high school, and you don't know the name of where you are, and you don't know how you got here. You simply find yourself in another room, a room without walls. The walls of Jericho have fallen down, yet you had leaned on those walls, and you don't see them any longer. This is what is going on with you.
Today, welcome the boundless. Take joy in learning your way around the boundless. Breathe, and take joy.
Source URL: http://www.heavenletters.org/learning-your-way-around-the-boundless.html
Conclusion by Rev.Bola
Those times when we are feeling unsteady, lost, or unsupported by the physical manifestation around us, can be our greatest opportunities for growth. This happens as we lose our reliance on the material world view, and open up to our more subtle spiritual dimensions. Change can seem very shaky to us as we try to rearrange our life and priorities to suit a new set of circumstances or realities, yet Change is inevitable as it opens the door to further growth and transformation. We will do well to always ride the waves of change with optimism, knowing that we are supported through the changes, by the Higher Power of the universe, and recognizing how we are trully never alone, in making those changes. We can request for Divine help and guidance as we move forward in loving transformation, and know that we are always treasured and appreciated.
If you are going through a major change or transformation, and would like some spiritual support and private coaching through it, then please feel welcome to contact me with enquiries to
Rev. Bola :stchntt@yahoo.co.uk
and you may also visit my website for further assistance, by clicking here:-
Rev. Bola's *Abundant Life Ministries*
**********************************************
Do you know of a Higher Will at work in the Universe? Have you become aware yet of a Higher Power that is at work in your life, or are you struggling to live your life on your own terms, alone and frustrated? I believe we each have access to this Higher Power for support if we let it in, surrender allow it to work for us, instead of getting in the way. We can communicate to our Higher Power through prayer, meditation, invocation, worship and service; and also by being alert to the patterns that concern the situations and circumstances we have in our lives. These patterns are meaningful. Especially the re-occuring ones. They have a message for us. Sometimes those messages can come in the form of direct hearing from God. We can often listen for and hear the 'still small voice' of God. Heavenly Letters are a series of such messages from God, heard and recorded in writing in the form of letters. Here is one I recently received and would like to share with you today.
Heavenletter #3171 Published on: July 31, 2009
God said:
Sometimes you think you are hanging on in life by the skin of your teeth. You don't know why you feel so discontent and so tenuous. At those times, it's all you can do to get through life, to get through even this one day of life. Life is not different really from last week, but, somehow, this week you feel you are walking a tight rope with no net beneath.
You don't know what it is that seems so difficult. All you know is that you feel a hair's breadth from surviving. You don't just mean your physical life. You don't know what you do mean. All you know is that you are hanging on.
When you feel so frail, and life feels so overwhelming, even though you know not why, you are in a good place. You have thought you are in a bad place, an unsafe place. At this time remember that life is not about safety. There has to be more to life than safe or unsafe. You don't really know what you are safe or unsafe from.
Now I shall tell you what's going on, and what it is you are hanging on to for dear life. It is your boundaries, beloved. You may feel that you have been set back when, all the while, you are far ahead. The loss of boundaries is only the loss of boundaries, yet you have become unsettled while the boundaries, like ice bergs, break away. You have wanted to be free, and now that you are on the bank of the river of freedom, you are not so sure. You craved freedom. You yearned for it. You looked forward to it, and now that you are at the brink, you're not so sure that you want to jump off. Come to find out, you may have loved the boundaries. They were your baby blankets, beloveds.
You discover that the boundaries you had disdained were your connection to the world. The boundaries were the chains that kept you locked into space, and now, without recognizing that you are, you are bemoaning the loss of boundaries. Bye, bye, boundaries. Now comes the boundless, and you think you have to hold onto something solid. You were holding on to nothing anyway, beloveds. How solid really do you think the boundaries that held you were? You thought the boundaries were thick ropes when they were only skinny filaments of your thoughts. The bars kept you in place, you felt. The bars bounded you, and yet you knew where you were located.
Now you don't know anything. The ice bergs are breaking away. You sense their moving away from you. You may feel that the breaking up of boundaries leaves you adrift.
You have been in a kiddie pool, and now you find yourself in the Ocean. Honestly, at this point, you feel vague. You feel out of your depth. You miss the sight of the shore even though you had objected to it enough. Ignorance all of a sudden seems like home or at least like a comfortable bed.
And now the bed is gone. The room you were in is gone. Your body may inhabit the same place, yet you have been shaken loose.
It is almost like science fiction. One moment you were playing in the confines of kindergarten, and now you find yourself in high school, and you don't know the name of where you are, and you don't know how you got here. You simply find yourself in another room, a room without walls. The walls of Jericho have fallen down, yet you had leaned on those walls, and you don't see them any longer. This is what is going on with you.
Today, welcome the boundless. Take joy in learning your way around the boundless. Breathe, and take joy.
Source URL: http://www.heavenletters.org/learning-your-way-around-the-boundless.html
Conclusion by Rev.Bola
Those times when we are feeling unsteady, lost, or unsupported by the physical manifestation around us, can be our greatest opportunities for growth. This happens as we lose our reliance on the material world view, and open up to our more subtle spiritual dimensions. Change can seem very shaky to us as we try to rearrange our life and priorities to suit a new set of circumstances or realities, yet Change is inevitable as it opens the door to further growth and transformation. We will do well to always ride the waves of change with optimism, knowing that we are supported through the changes, by the Higher Power of the universe, and recognizing how we are trully never alone, in making those changes. We can request for Divine help and guidance as we move forward in loving transformation, and know that we are always treasured and appreciated.
If you are going through a major change or transformation, and would like some spiritual support and private coaching through it, then please feel welcome to contact me with enquiries to
Rev. Bola :stchntt@yahoo.co.uk
and you may also visit my website for further assistance, by clicking here:-
Rev. Bola's *Abundant Life Ministries*
**********************************************
Wednesday, 29 July 2009
How To Disagree Effectively
You may ask yourself why anyone would want to speak on, “How to Disagree Effectively”, which is little more than talking about arguing. However, like it or not, we know that people get caught up in arguments and disagreements of one sort or another every day.
There is one school of thought sanctioned by millions which is that we should do all that is possible to avoid disagreements. Many people are of the belief that arguing is wrong and more importantly, are convinced that disagreements can lead to violence.
However, there is another side of that thought, which is that stress or differences not confronted can lead to frustration, seething anger and sometimes violence.
In other words, opposing ideas, philosophies, desires, needs, priorities, etc. are an inevitability of life. The responsibility lies with each of us to determine where we stand in relation to what we do or do not want. From there, it is the responsibility of each of us to learn how to transfer that information to another without demanding they think and act or believe in the same things. Because it is inevitable that our differences will become obvious at some time or other, and very likely challenged, each person is chargeable with learning how to confront others.
After all, we become known by identifying ourselves. If we refuse to speak up, allowing others to decide, when it is in contrast with our beliefs, we are victimized by virtue of handing authority to those others who state their disagreements.
By refusing to confront what we determine is wrong, unjust, or a simple non-fit, we are subtly cooperating with our opposition. Furthermore, others are then positioned to guess who we are and where our boundaries lie. (They will seldom guess accurately). Some won’t even try once they know you will not speak up when you disagree.
If you follow the logic of this argument, it would appear then, that disagreement is necessary. Because it is, it also is in the best interest of each of us to decide to address situations where differences of opinion are contrary to ours; and to develop the ability to do so with competence.
What is indicated here, is that the ability to confront is vital to our existence and quality of life and therefore, needs to be developed in each of us. It is an important trait to pursue and develop, whether we do or do not enjoy the practice, because it is an inevitability of life, best handled with knowledge and a practiced degree of competence.
We all argue. For some of us, it is more than once or twice a day. When you consider interaction with all the people in your life, there are...personal relationships with a ‘significant other’, parents, siblings, friends, co-workers and casual acquaintances. There are also circumstances that put us face to face in disagreement with some people we don’t even know on a personal level.
Irrespective of with who you are in disagreement, it can prove overwhelming if you find yourself in a confrontation with anyone and it gets out of hand. Loud voices, stamping of feet, pounding of fists on a table, swearing, threatening, crying or pleading are all part of disagreements and are evidence that someone is insisting on being heard.
But what exactly are you supposed to do when you find yourself in a predicament where there doesn’t seem to be much chance that both sides will find a place to agree? In fact, what if you are convinced that no one is actually looking for agreement and the focus seems to be on whom is going to win?
Worse yet, what happens when the situation seems to be getting worse and you don’t believe your thoughts are even being interpreted correctly? It is quite common to hear someone say, “but you just said……..”, and they repeat your words, but have an entirely different interpretation from what you are actually attempting to say. That can be somewhat frightening, not to mention frustrating.
If you have been on either end of such situations you likely remember how maddening it is to talk louder and louder and still not be heard. You probably remember how discouraging it is to be walking away angry, disappointed or worse yet reacting to your frustration making the situation worse – especially when this is a pattern of behavior and you know the inevitability of it’s recurrence.
It only seems reasonable that some form of rules or procedure be put in place as guidelines to disagreement. The goal is to allow both sides to speak, to be heard and to decide what they wish to do in relation to the situation. Of course, this is a little more difficult in practice than in principle.
Motivational speaker and author, Nancy McFadden M.A., developed a program on “How to Disagree Effectively”. In it, she suggests a structure for how to stay powerful during a disagreement and how to know when to call “time-out” if it becomes apparent that no one is listening and no progress is being achieved.
The rational and most effective procedure is for both sides to know the guidelines and to stick to them with a view to creating an outcome that both can live with. This may not always be possible. However, if both persons in disagreement agree to stay with the principles of effective disagreement, McFadden claims the chances of creating a favorable outcome increase. At the least, it offers respectful discourse without the disagreement escalating into a tantrum or worse yet a reactive situation where one or both persons lose control.
“First of all”, she recommends that before you enter into disagreement, “know your goal”. “If you don’t know what the issue is, there is small chance you can address it sensibly”.
“The biggest reason arguments escalate”, McFadden says, “is because the subject gets changed and most times no one even notices”. “You start out talking about wanting to be called when the person knows they are going to be late and end up talking about who is most insensitive, rude, demanding, or immature”, she ...alleges. “That is such an overriding habit”, she claims, “that most people complain of having the same old arguments repeatedly, without ever catching on to the fact that they fall into that pattern without realizing the role they play”.
That makes it imperative that you know why you are disagreeing so that you are not seduced into discussing something else.
Regardless of how enticing it is to respond to the person’s personal comments, McFadden claims it is in the best interest of both parties to identify the real issue immediately and agree to discuss nothing but that particular subject at the time.
She recommends the when disagreement is evident, “Agree to focus on one thing at a time – and stick to the agreement. If not, you will find yourself going round and around the same argument repeatedly never resolving the real issue”.
If the other person goes off topic, McFadden claims it is your responsibility to take them back to the real issue by merely repeating what it is and reminding that person that you are willing to stay with only that one issue, at present.
“If necessary”, she says, “repeat, repeat, repeat until the person recognizes that you are not open to any other issue - at this time”.
She claims that following this pattern in an effort to learn the techniques of effective disagreement can be frustrating during the learning process, but she promises it will save a lot of misery over time, eliminating a lot of the repetitious arguments that are a part of the life of most people.
Interestingly, she also suggests you “give yourself permission to agree to disagree”
She claims that frustration peaks when people become invested in trying to convert the other person to their way of thinking or doing something. “Be willing”, she says, “to let each person have their own opinion”.
“Your job”, she says, is to get clear and remain clear about your position. Once you determine that you are each committed to your own opinion and it is different, the wisest thing to do”, she claims, “is to then decide what you are going to do now that you know where you stand”. Let go of any notion to convert the other or to resist being converted to their way of thinking. Respect your right to your own opinion and transfer that respect to others.
“You cannot make people change. All that you can do is decide what you will do in view of the present situation”. Wasting time arguing why you or the other person should change will only increase the frustration and keep you from the real issue”.
“Don’t go there”, she advises.
“The issue’, she says, “is not about being right”. The real issue is to be heard and hopefully, understood”. If you realize that that is not going to happen, step back, and suggest you leave the discussion to another time. It is fruitless to insist on being acknowledged when you know the other person is not open to the discussion. It is also fool-hardy to insist on getting your own way once it becomes evident the other is not willing. Tempers increase and rational talk decreases.
As soon as you are aware that the frustration or anger is escalating call a “time-out”, she advises. Refuse to continue whenever you identify that either you or the other person is losing control of rational discussion or the view to finding a... solution. Taking a ‘time-out’ is the only sensible thing to do and leaves the door open to further discussion at a better time.
“When you are the one who initiates a ‘time-out’, you are the one responsible for setting a time-frame in which you believe it would be appropriate or safe to resume discussion. It lies with you to initiate a resumption of the discussion when the time-out period has expired”.
“When you do so, you demonstrate your competence, integrity and personal power”, she says. This type of behavior clearly demonstrates your willingness to be mature and own your part of the difficulty in the situation. If you avoid, you identify your fear and set the stage to be trivialized in the current situation and whenever else you speak sincerely. Don’t do that to yourself”, she cautions.
What is of peripheral interest is her suggestion that disagreement is not about being right or wrong. “The real issue”, she says is to be able to identify who you are, what you believe or want, or don’t want, and what you intend to do in this particular situation”.
“Because of that you want to listen and to be heard, because you are sharing important information”. Disagreement is not about deciding who is the better person, on any level, it is merely identifying who you are and finding out who the other person is, or what they do, or do not want”.
“If you are clear about that”, McFadden claims, “you can avoid the emotional chaos that is associated with most disagreements”.
Although she has other comments in relation to disagreements, and strategies for effective disagreement McFadden asserts that these three steps mentioned above, “Stay on Topic”, “Repeat the topic every time someone strays” and “Agree to Disagree”, will dramatically affect your competence in both personal and professional encounters. Learning to accept and cooperate with the wisdom that disagreement is merely a communication skill and not cause for converting others, or being converted, will bring you to a whole new place. Being able to state your thoughts clearly without becoming emotionally enmeshed in the other persons response to who you are is a vital maturation that every effective communicator must develop.
Another point of interest in McFadden’s program is her claim that ‘compromise’ is not always in a person’s best interest and must be viewed with a more jaundiced eye.
She alleges that compromise is often a solution that a person resorts to when they lack the ability or inclination to respect their own judgement or individuality. Too, she claims, it is often the place a person will go to in order to avoid further confrontation. “Often”, she claims, “people will seek compromise without taking the time to assess whether the compromise is in their best interest or merely a way to avert an argument”. However, the threat is that you may be inclined to compromise your integrity, morality or other things that prove to be in your best interest. “It is far more practical to practice acknowledging and accepting that differences are not always a bad thing. You just might be identifying that you are different from the other person, she says, and that’s all right.” If, in fact one...ascertains that they have the right to be different - what McFadden calls “an individual”, they are better prepared to look objectively at another’s point of view as well, without falling victim to changing their mind in order to be accepted or possibly liked by others.
“If, in fact, you can find a comfort level in accepting that not everyone will always like you, you can get on about the business of being yourself without deciding there is something wrong with you just because someone carries an opinion contrary to your own”.
“It is inevitable”, she says, “that you will eventually meet someone with no taste or bad taste”. “Let that be their problem”, she advises. “If you don’t, you will have to turn into a chameleon to satisfy all the different tastes and interests that others have, not to mention - standards”.
“Give yourself permission to be who you are and get on with developing your own perfection”, she encourages. “Use your own inner voice to determine an acceptable standard for yourself. You know the difference between right and wrong. Assess your own behavior and decide what best suits your goals, talents and ambitions for Self. Leave others to determine what they want to do about who you are. You also need to do the same with others. If they are not on your side, allow yourself the privilege of moving on and choosing a new job, friends, life-style, etc. Your decisions are always what you are left to live. The consequences or rewards will come back on you, so you don’t want anyone else to decide for you”.
Overall, these ideas and strategies regarding disagreement are, at the least, worthy of some serious thought and consideration. They promise an expanded self-awareness and an opportunity to re-think old problems in a new light. After all, who of us could not benefit from brainstorming potential solutions to long-standing problems?
(compiled by Rev. Bola)
Spiritual Coaching Ministries
**********************************
There is one school of thought sanctioned by millions which is that we should do all that is possible to avoid disagreements. Many people are of the belief that arguing is wrong and more importantly, are convinced that disagreements can lead to violence.
However, there is another side of that thought, which is that stress or differences not confronted can lead to frustration, seething anger and sometimes violence.
In other words, opposing ideas, philosophies, desires, needs, priorities, etc. are an inevitability of life. The responsibility lies with each of us to determine where we stand in relation to what we do or do not want. From there, it is the responsibility of each of us to learn how to transfer that information to another without demanding they think and act or believe in the same things. Because it is inevitable that our differences will become obvious at some time or other, and very likely challenged, each person is chargeable with learning how to confront others.
After all, we become known by identifying ourselves. If we refuse to speak up, allowing others to decide, when it is in contrast with our beliefs, we are victimized by virtue of handing authority to those others who state their disagreements.
By refusing to confront what we determine is wrong, unjust, or a simple non-fit, we are subtly cooperating with our opposition. Furthermore, others are then positioned to guess who we are and where our boundaries lie. (They will seldom guess accurately). Some won’t even try once they know you will not speak up when you disagree.
If you follow the logic of this argument, it would appear then, that disagreement is necessary. Because it is, it also is in the best interest of each of us to decide to address situations where differences of opinion are contrary to ours; and to develop the ability to do so with competence.
What is indicated here, is that the ability to confront is vital to our existence and quality of life and therefore, needs to be developed in each of us. It is an important trait to pursue and develop, whether we do or do not enjoy the practice, because it is an inevitability of life, best handled with knowledge and a practiced degree of competence.
We all argue. For some of us, it is more than once or twice a day. When you consider interaction with all the people in your life, there are...personal relationships with a ‘significant other’, parents, siblings, friends, co-workers and casual acquaintances. There are also circumstances that put us face to face in disagreement with some people we don’t even know on a personal level.
Irrespective of with who you are in disagreement, it can prove overwhelming if you find yourself in a confrontation with anyone and it gets out of hand. Loud voices, stamping of feet, pounding of fists on a table, swearing, threatening, crying or pleading are all part of disagreements and are evidence that someone is insisting on being heard.
But what exactly are you supposed to do when you find yourself in a predicament where there doesn’t seem to be much chance that both sides will find a place to agree? In fact, what if you are convinced that no one is actually looking for agreement and the focus seems to be on whom is going to win?
Worse yet, what happens when the situation seems to be getting worse and you don’t believe your thoughts are even being interpreted correctly? It is quite common to hear someone say, “but you just said……..”, and they repeat your words, but have an entirely different interpretation from what you are actually attempting to say. That can be somewhat frightening, not to mention frustrating.
If you have been on either end of such situations you likely remember how maddening it is to talk louder and louder and still not be heard. You probably remember how discouraging it is to be walking away angry, disappointed or worse yet reacting to your frustration making the situation worse – especially when this is a pattern of behavior and you know the inevitability of it’s recurrence.
It only seems reasonable that some form of rules or procedure be put in place as guidelines to disagreement. The goal is to allow both sides to speak, to be heard and to decide what they wish to do in relation to the situation. Of course, this is a little more difficult in practice than in principle.
Motivational speaker and author, Nancy McFadden M.A., developed a program on “How to Disagree Effectively”. In it, she suggests a structure for how to stay powerful during a disagreement and how to know when to call “time-out” if it becomes apparent that no one is listening and no progress is being achieved.
The rational and most effective procedure is for both sides to know the guidelines and to stick to them with a view to creating an outcome that both can live with. This may not always be possible. However, if both persons in disagreement agree to stay with the principles of effective disagreement, McFadden claims the chances of creating a favorable outcome increase. At the least, it offers respectful discourse without the disagreement escalating into a tantrum or worse yet a reactive situation where one or both persons lose control.
“First of all”, she recommends that before you enter into disagreement, “know your goal”. “If you don’t know what the issue is, there is small chance you can address it sensibly”.
“The biggest reason arguments escalate”, McFadden says, “is because the subject gets changed and most times no one even notices”. “You start out talking about wanting to be called when the person knows they are going to be late and end up talking about who is most insensitive, rude, demanding, or immature”, she ...alleges. “That is such an overriding habit”, she claims, “that most people complain of having the same old arguments repeatedly, without ever catching on to the fact that they fall into that pattern without realizing the role they play”.
That makes it imperative that you know why you are disagreeing so that you are not seduced into discussing something else.
Regardless of how enticing it is to respond to the person’s personal comments, McFadden claims it is in the best interest of both parties to identify the real issue immediately and agree to discuss nothing but that particular subject at the time.
She recommends the when disagreement is evident, “Agree to focus on one thing at a time – and stick to the agreement. If not, you will find yourself going round and around the same argument repeatedly never resolving the real issue”.
If the other person goes off topic, McFadden claims it is your responsibility to take them back to the real issue by merely repeating what it is and reminding that person that you are willing to stay with only that one issue, at present.
“If necessary”, she says, “repeat, repeat, repeat until the person recognizes that you are not open to any other issue - at this time”.
She claims that following this pattern in an effort to learn the techniques of effective disagreement can be frustrating during the learning process, but she promises it will save a lot of misery over time, eliminating a lot of the repetitious arguments that are a part of the life of most people.
Interestingly, she also suggests you “give yourself permission to agree to disagree”
She claims that frustration peaks when people become invested in trying to convert the other person to their way of thinking or doing something. “Be willing”, she says, “to let each person have their own opinion”.
“Your job”, she says, is to get clear and remain clear about your position. Once you determine that you are each committed to your own opinion and it is different, the wisest thing to do”, she claims, “is to then decide what you are going to do now that you know where you stand”. Let go of any notion to convert the other or to resist being converted to their way of thinking. Respect your right to your own opinion and transfer that respect to others.
“You cannot make people change. All that you can do is decide what you will do in view of the present situation”. Wasting time arguing why you or the other person should change will only increase the frustration and keep you from the real issue”.
“Don’t go there”, she advises.
“The issue’, she says, “is not about being right”. The real issue is to be heard and hopefully, understood”. If you realize that that is not going to happen, step back, and suggest you leave the discussion to another time. It is fruitless to insist on being acknowledged when you know the other person is not open to the discussion. It is also fool-hardy to insist on getting your own way once it becomes evident the other is not willing. Tempers increase and rational talk decreases.
As soon as you are aware that the frustration or anger is escalating call a “time-out”, she advises. Refuse to continue whenever you identify that either you or the other person is losing control of rational discussion or the view to finding a... solution. Taking a ‘time-out’ is the only sensible thing to do and leaves the door open to further discussion at a better time.
“When you are the one who initiates a ‘time-out’, you are the one responsible for setting a time-frame in which you believe it would be appropriate or safe to resume discussion. It lies with you to initiate a resumption of the discussion when the time-out period has expired”.
“When you do so, you demonstrate your competence, integrity and personal power”, she says. This type of behavior clearly demonstrates your willingness to be mature and own your part of the difficulty in the situation. If you avoid, you identify your fear and set the stage to be trivialized in the current situation and whenever else you speak sincerely. Don’t do that to yourself”, she cautions.
What is of peripheral interest is her suggestion that disagreement is not about being right or wrong. “The real issue”, she says is to be able to identify who you are, what you believe or want, or don’t want, and what you intend to do in this particular situation”.
“Because of that you want to listen and to be heard, because you are sharing important information”. Disagreement is not about deciding who is the better person, on any level, it is merely identifying who you are and finding out who the other person is, or what they do, or do not want”.
“If you are clear about that”, McFadden claims, “you can avoid the emotional chaos that is associated with most disagreements”.
Although she has other comments in relation to disagreements, and strategies for effective disagreement McFadden asserts that these three steps mentioned above, “Stay on Topic”, “Repeat the topic every time someone strays” and “Agree to Disagree”, will dramatically affect your competence in both personal and professional encounters. Learning to accept and cooperate with the wisdom that disagreement is merely a communication skill and not cause for converting others, or being converted, will bring you to a whole new place. Being able to state your thoughts clearly without becoming emotionally enmeshed in the other persons response to who you are is a vital maturation that every effective communicator must develop.
Another point of interest in McFadden’s program is her claim that ‘compromise’ is not always in a person’s best interest and must be viewed with a more jaundiced eye.
She alleges that compromise is often a solution that a person resorts to when they lack the ability or inclination to respect their own judgement or individuality. Too, she claims, it is often the place a person will go to in order to avoid further confrontation. “Often”, she claims, “people will seek compromise without taking the time to assess whether the compromise is in their best interest or merely a way to avert an argument”. However, the threat is that you may be inclined to compromise your integrity, morality or other things that prove to be in your best interest. “It is far more practical to practice acknowledging and accepting that differences are not always a bad thing. You just might be identifying that you are different from the other person, she says, and that’s all right.” If, in fact one...ascertains that they have the right to be different - what McFadden calls “an individual”, they are better prepared to look objectively at another’s point of view as well, without falling victim to changing their mind in order to be accepted or possibly liked by others.
“If, in fact, you can find a comfort level in accepting that not everyone will always like you, you can get on about the business of being yourself without deciding there is something wrong with you just because someone carries an opinion contrary to your own”.
“It is inevitable”, she says, “that you will eventually meet someone with no taste or bad taste”. “Let that be their problem”, she advises. “If you don’t, you will have to turn into a chameleon to satisfy all the different tastes and interests that others have, not to mention - standards”.
“Give yourself permission to be who you are and get on with developing your own perfection”, she encourages. “Use your own inner voice to determine an acceptable standard for yourself. You know the difference between right and wrong. Assess your own behavior and decide what best suits your goals, talents and ambitions for Self. Leave others to determine what they want to do about who you are. You also need to do the same with others. If they are not on your side, allow yourself the privilege of moving on and choosing a new job, friends, life-style, etc. Your decisions are always what you are left to live. The consequences or rewards will come back on you, so you don’t want anyone else to decide for you”.
Overall, these ideas and strategies regarding disagreement are, at the least, worthy of some serious thought and consideration. They promise an expanded self-awareness and an opportunity to re-think old problems in a new light. After all, who of us could not benefit from brainstorming potential solutions to long-standing problems?
(compiled by Rev. Bola)
Spiritual Coaching Ministries
**********************************
Sunday, 5 July 2009
Unconditional Love from God
I would like to be able to experience infinite unconditional love, wouldn't you and wouldn't we all?
That just about sums up the bases to any and all our problems, desires, disappointments, goals and aspirations.
There have definitely been times in my personal life when I have felt like a train wreck about to happen, utterly inadequate to cope with the complexity of my own life, never mind anybody else's. So I understand if you have had or are having similar feelings. Beware of the man who believes he is perfect with no room for improvement. Not that such a state is impossible, but in are present existence, highly unlikely. Even the enlightened beings and sages of our time, have claimed to have common human foibles, and have been prone to angry tirades and tears.
The great news is that God is completely and utterly in love with you, and also with me. No matter how many mistakes you or I make. No matter where you are in your life, no matter what you think of you, God loves you for all eternity.
Let's keep reminding ourselves, and each other of that fact, every day.
Peace
Rev Bola
PS. If you want to know how you can experience God's Love for you more directly in your current life, feel free to contact me for further information about this at: stchntt@yahoo.co.uk
And, you may also visit my website for more detailed information by clicking here:-
Rev.Bola's -*Loving People Ministries*
*********************************************
That just about sums up the bases to any and all our problems, desires, disappointments, goals and aspirations.
There have definitely been times in my personal life when I have felt like a train wreck about to happen, utterly inadequate to cope with the complexity of my own life, never mind anybody else's. So I understand if you have had or are having similar feelings. Beware of the man who believes he is perfect with no room for improvement. Not that such a state is impossible, but in are present existence, highly unlikely. Even the enlightened beings and sages of our time, have claimed to have common human foibles, and have been prone to angry tirades and tears.
The great news is that God is completely and utterly in love with you, and also with me. No matter how many mistakes you or I make. No matter where you are in your life, no matter what you think of you, God loves you for all eternity.
Let's keep reminding ourselves, and each other of that fact, every day.
Peace
Rev Bola
PS. If you want to know how you can experience God's Love for you more directly in your current life, feel free to contact me for further information about this at: stchntt@yahoo.co.uk
And, you may also visit my website for more detailed information by clicking here:-
Rev.Bola's -*Loving People Ministries*
*********************************************
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